giati me afhses?..

giati mafhses monh mou?giati pappou?
hsoun ta pada gia mena,sunexizeis na eise.. tha rthei h stigmh pou tha se sfiksw ksana sthn agkalia mou kai tha su pw poso mou eleipses...
se xreiazomai..
den theleis na me vlepeis na klaiw etsi? pote den itheles.
thumamai pappou oles tis fores pou den hmouna kala ke me phgenes volta sto parko..me ekanes kounia,etrexes ke me epianes apo thn tsoulithra..
thumame pou magkaliazes ke enoiwtha na eixa sthn agkalia mou olo ton kosmo..
sugnwmh gia oles tis fores pou sou ferthika isws ligo asxhma..pou sou fwnaksa,pou se amfisvithsa,pou den se akousa..
kserw oti pada eixes dikio..skeftome pws tha htan na hsoun twra koda mou..
gamwto mou tha evlepes oti megalwna! eime sxedon 19 ke se ithela mazi mou sthn enhlikiwsh mou..hthela na hsoun ekei..
to mono pu pada htheles htan na eime eftuxismenh pappou...
ama hsoun edw tha hmoun h pio eftuxismenh kopela ston kosmo.
efyges..efyges ke dialuthike h zwh mou..efyges ke afhses allo ena keno mesa mou..
kaneis den borei na anaplhrwsei afto to keno pappou..kaneis..
thee mou,tha me evlpes na zwgrafizw! thumame akoma tis lekseis sou..adhxoun sta aftia mou. 'esy koritsaki mou tha gineis h kaluterh zwgrafos olou tou kosmou! tha moiaseis ston pappou sou!'..
loipon? pou eise twra na deis ta blok mou?.. na mu ta upograpseis apo katw opws mou ekanes otan hmoun mikrh,thumase?
erxomoun me xara na su deiksw tis zwgrafies mou ke ekana san trelh gia na valeis thn upografh sou apo katw!
thumase otan phgainame thalassa mazi me to amaksi pou su tragoudousa se olo to dromo mexri na ftasoume?
ke mou eleges oti afth h fwnh eine monadikh? ...afth h fwnh gia sena zei pappou..
pou eise twra na deis pws tragoudaw? pou eise na akouseis ksana afth th fwnh pou opws eleges se mageue?..
mou anoikses ta ftera pappou..me vohthises na petaksw psila..pou eise twra na deis pou kapoioi mou ta kopsane?..
pou eise?..
an hksera oti afth tha htan h teleftea fora pou tha akouga thn fwnh sou,tha hxografousa kathe leksh gia thn akouw ksana ke ksana..an hksera oti aftes tha htan oi teleftees stigmes pou tha se evlepa tha sou elega SAGAPW,ke den tha upetheta anohta oti to ksereis hdh..
uparxei pada ena avrio,ke h zwh mas dinei ke alles eukeries na kanoume ta pragmata opws prepei,alla se periptwsh pou kanw lathos ke mas menei mono to shmera,tha ithela na sou pw poso sagapw ke pote mou oso zw den tha se ksexasw..
tipota pio panw apo sena..esy me sthrikses stis pio dyskoles stigmes ths zwhs mou,esu adekses ke eise akoma edw..akoma ke apo kei pu eise..

thelw toso na se dw ksana..na treksw sthn agkalia sou ke na xathw gia mia akomh fora..
''Mpampa mou!" tha sou psithirisw sigana sto afti..kathws tha me sfiggeis me ta duo sou xeria sthn agkalia sou..
"Mpampa mou,sagapw polu!"..
ki egw tha xanomai ksana ki ksana...

twra eise pia enas aggelos.. arage pws na ne o paradeisos?
eine enas khpos me polla dentra ke louloudia? uparxei afth h galini ke h hremia?
exei enan terastio hlio pou fwtizei thn psuxoula sou pappou?..
pada tha eise ena kommati apo mena,ke pada tha noiwthw thn dunamh sou otan thn xreiazomai..
exeis pleon fugei,alla den exeis ksexastei. den borw na sto pw sto proswpo,alla kserw oti akous.
tha se ksanadw,den efyges st alitheia.. se noiwthw na perpatas dipla mou..kserw oti tha se dw ksana!

"Sagapw polu pappou!!"
"Kai egw koritsaki mou,pio polu"
...

noiwthw mish pappou..
ela na me voithiseis..ela na mou kalupseis ta kena anamesa sta daxtula twn xeriwn mou..
kai to kuriotero,ela na mou kalupseis ksana thn adeia mou agkalia...
fovamai.. fovamai tous anthrwpous.
mou to eleges,den theloun oloi to kalo sou.
otan se plhgwnoun oi anthrwpoi,ti farmako vazeis sthn plhgh pappou?...

"tha m'agapas mexri thn katastrofh tou kosmou?"
"o kosmos exei katastrafei ke egw sagapaw akoma"
ke etsi kapws katastrafhke ke o dikos mou kosmos.. prospathw na paradextw oti eine ola kala,omws lew athwa psemata ston eafto mou..
se sullogizome to kathe lepto pou pernaei.. koitazw ton hlio kathe mera ke thumame to proswpo sou pou elampe,toso fwteino.!
koitazw t'asteria pou siga siga svhnoun..opws ta duo fwteina sou matia..
omws h psuxh sou den svhnei..xanete mesa sthn galhnh pou tuligeis me ta duo sou xeria gurw mou..mou galhneueis thn plhgwmenh mou kardia me ena sou mono aggigma..
kapote thumame suzhtousame oti tha phgename ena taksidi.. ithela pada na bw se aeroplano alla fovomouna!
ke sy mou eleges oti tha phgename mazi afto to taksidi ke pws tha mu kratas to xeri.. ksereis kati?
den thrhses thn uposxesh sou..monos sou efuges,emena me afhses pisw.
giati? giati? giati?
h kardia mou eksaplwthike se xiliades mikroskopika kommatia.afto gia mena htan to teleiwtiko xtuphma.
prospathisa na vrw ke gw mia pthsh gia to agnwsto,omws me enhmerwsan oti molis phres thn teleftea..
phres to telefteo eishthrio xwris epistrofh,ke mou dieluses tis ligostes elpides mou gia zwh..
ekana mataies prospatheies gia na se vrw omws den ta katafera..
ksexases na mou peis pou akrivws meneis twra..wste na borw na sou stelnw grammata..
na zw apo sena ligo akoma..
ax,an hsoun edw tha pernousame afth th mera mazi..mexri o hlios na anateillei ke ta astra na kryftoun ksana mazi me to feggari..
mexri na fwtisei o topos ke ta poulakia na arxisoun na kelaidoun..ke emeis na kathomaste sthn aulh ke na ta akoume. esy na zwgrafizeis,ke egw na se thaumazw.
na sou upenthumizw pws eise o kaluteros zwgrafos ke na mou les oti ke egw kapoia mera etsi tha ginw..
na sou lew oti eise o kaluteros pappous tou kosmou,ke sy na mou apodukneieis mera me thn mera pws eime toso ksexwristh.
an borusa na vgw twra eksw ke na koitaksw pshla,tha sou fwnaza oso pio dunata borousa pws eise olh mou h zwh..

-esy me adikrises na gennieme,ke egw se eida na petheneis-

o ouranos eine akoma skoteinos..ta sunnefa exoun krupsei ke tis teleftees aktines tou hliou. ta asteria ke to lampero feggari diakrinode sto mavro fodo tou ouranou..
pws perase etsi o kairos..pws efugan etsi stigmes..pragmata pou ithela na kanw,lekseis pou ithela na pw,omws apla den prolava..
eimaste toso makrya alla tautoxrona toso koda..den thumame pleon pws eine na eise ke polu kala..den thumame pws eine na eise eftuxismenos mesa sou..
giati an xaseis to kommati sou,eise misos..

*giati me afhses monh,se afton ton kosmo pou eine gematos amartia?*

Λόγια παρηγοριάς δεν υπάρχουν αλλά τελείως ΜΟΝΗ ΣΟΥ δεν σε έχει αφήσει. Έχεις πλέον ένα ισχυρό κίνητρο για να συνεχίσεις, την ζωγραφική που τόσο αγαπάτε και οι 2... Θα σε καμαρώνει από εκεί ψηλά, μην του το στερήσεις! :)

Κοριτσάκι με έκανες κι έκλαψα....πάνε 2μιση χρόνια που έχασα την γιαγιά μου και 13 που έχασα τον παππού μου...ακόμα τους βλέπω στον ύπνο μου και μου λείπουν αφάνταστα!!Με τον καιρό θα συνηθίσεις και θα θυμάσαι τον παππού σου με ένα γλυκό πόνο,να είσαι σίγουρη ότι αυτή η μεγάλη αγάπη που είχατε δεν χάνετε με τον θάνατο,πάντα θα τον νιώθεις κοντά σου!

δακρυσα.................................... ..