Συμπτώσεις, φόβοι και θρησκεία.
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I suffer from ocd thoughts and doing stuff from fear because I felt God will punish me. I am good looking but I have some flaws as all people. and spend many times looking in the mirror seeing the imperfections. A fear came to my mind. I will give you an example. Let's say someone who is good looking, gets his nose and ears bigger and becomes bald while he is sleeping. He wakes up and looks himself in the mirror. What he sees? He sees his normal sized ears and nose and his usual hair. althought, the reality is different. He is bald with big ears and nose. He just cant see it. its like an illusion. He asks a friend to describe him. the friend would be like " WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR? YOUR NOSE? YOUR EARS?" the other people see what happened to him but instead of hearing what they actually say, he hears "your hair is good. ears and nose same as always" because due to punishment he cant hear the truth.
I am afraid that happened to me because. I had many anxiety thoughts about my appearance and ocd. I think God was not angry. He did not punish me. Maybe He wanted to discipline me. and discipline is sometimes painful. since He loves me , He "hid" the consequences of the discipline to my eyes for me not being too sad and then send me signs to prove my discipline.
2) I was sitting and asked God to give me 5 twitches near my eyes area in the next 5 or 10 seconds. I froze everything in myself. and had my concentration to my eyes and started counting anxiously to 5 or 10 (don't remember). I counted down so I can go back to my daily stuff. BOOM. I felt ONE twich in my right eye. I never had twitches in my eyes. I don't know. If I should consider it a sign or coincidence. I said 5 but I got 1. What troubled me is that God due to faith can't give me 5 twitches. It would be like He is revealing Himself to me.
4) The worst sign. I was in bed. Desperate. I was praying to God to free from all this doubt and despair etc. I decided to ask for another specific sign. I was ready to ask Him that if He disciplined/punished the way I asked to hear someone opening his/her apartment door and leave from the building. For some reason, my instinct was telling me that will happen. I decided to do it. As soon as I finished my request -I changed my mind- and said "no!" meaning I don't want that sign. but it was too late. I heard someone unlocking his/her door, opening it and leaving. I became more desperate. I lost my will to eat and live like a normal person. the reason I took it as a probable sign was that I was praying and was crying. That's why I didn't consider it a coincidence. And if it was coincidence God knew that I will take it as a sign and being misled and sad for nothing. He could have prevent it.
5) Saw a dream with that discipline/punishment. It was so dark. I woke up. slept again. I saw another sad dream. I was punished/discipline and walking anxiously in the streets. I saw 3 fish tanks in different places. I was like "what can they mean?"
I remembered saying to God, that I will believe that He didn't punish me but don't let me believing a lie. If He had punished me to send me clearer and more signs. I even, asked Him to see the same sign 3 times. and I saw the 3 fish tanks. Maybe it was just a dream from my worries or the devil.
9) I was watching a movie and suddenly a thought came to my mind I said to myself "imagine to see the punishment, in that movie?" boom! 1 or 2 seconds later I saw a character who had a face flaw. that reminded me my punishment. same flaw.
10) I have been wondering if this are coincidences or not. One day a friend we rarely chat in viber send me a random spam messages with the word "coincidence" He did not know anything about my problem. there were times that I didn't go with my friend and other friend out although sometimes I was the one suggesting it. my friend wanted to say that everytime its an exit day I don't come. that cant be a coincidence. but before that send a random spam with the word "coincidence" that freaked me out.
11) my ex who knew about my problem found a Japanese book in internet with the title "IT IS NOT COINCIDENCE". She send it for laughs because she knew I had problem with coincidences and she knows I like Japanese stuff. I wish she never have shown that book to me, even for laughs. because I should consider it as a probable sign.
12) I remember chatting to a friend who didn't know about my problem and for other reasons he typed this "some things happen accidentally" after all these coincidences, finally something good. I joked myself "imagine accidentally typing "some things NOT happen accidentally" I would freak out" some minutes later I decided to tell him about my problem. after hearing my story, he typed this "God did punished you" and later he corrected it "God did NOT punished you" I freaked out cause it reminded me the thought I made for joke before. I now this does not make much sense in english but we are greeks. Greek grammar is different.
13) I was searching the google about God and punishments. My fear of punishment has to do with "illusion". I wrote that word in greek and saw different illusions. you know, the one that are negative colors. I clicked the first image. It was an old illusion uploaded in 2015. I did it for fun. some hours or minutes later, I was scrolling in facebook and saw an article with the same illusion I did. the article was uploaded the previous day. at first I thought that the illusion was new that's why I found it in google images and in facebook. I went back to google to check it. BOOM! the illusion I did on google was from an article in 2015. How come an illusion I did from an article 2015 was also uploaded the previous day? and what troubled me more was that next to the illusion of that picture was the illusion of Jesus. it was like a confirmation? I don't know.
14) Door signs returned. I was sleeping and for some reason I semi awake in the morning. the first thought that comes to my mind is "I will hear someone opening his door" and some seconds later it happens. that happened 3 or 4 times every morning for the next 3-4 days. what troubled me was why the only memory of that minutes is me worrying about the door? and why most of the times the door opened? it was not a hallucination because one time I forced to open my eyes and check the corridor. it was real. it was like a loop
me sleeping - semi wake up- my instinct tells me the door will open now- door opening- worrying/checking it- sleep again. the same loop again and again. why I don't have any memory about other thoughts that I did in that time? why the only memory remains is the door?
15) I was reading articles about God signs. while I was reading one, I scrolled down to the bottom. it had a picture with the words "THIS IS A SIGN FROM GOD" when I read it some second later I heard the door opening. many times, I was typing the word punishment, sign , or door I would hear it. may times, I would tell someone about it or wondering if I am punished or not the door sound would come as an answer : /
16) one of the worst signs. I clicked in reddit general chatroom it has many thousands of users. that means almost 1 text per second. I clicked it and my eye caught a message that was telling about human appearances. Some seconds later, a guy typed something like this "I am ugly but when I look myself I see a hot guy". That was my punishment. I spend many to the mirror wondering if what I see is real or not. it troubled me because I saw it randomly. If I clicked the chatroom 10 seconds before I would probably have never seen it. my intention was not to see the chatroom it just randomly opens when I want to check my direct chats. I entered the chatroom again. I just wanted to test something. BOOM. when I click again the chatroom. someone, just have typed " Jesus Christ" for his own reason but I freaked out. it was like a confirmation message.
17) I was writing a title in a reddit post that had the word "sign". when I typed the word I heard someone leaving the apartment. I said to myself not to worry. just a coincidence. seconds later I decided to write the same title to another topic. I joked myself and said "what if now that I am writing the same title, I hear again the door sound in the same word?" that was enough for me not to write it. 3 or 4 seconds later I heard again the door sound. I was like "HA! coincidence!" but a new worry though came to my mind. I was originally going to write the same sentence. just because I didn't do it does not mean that the sound wouldn't fall in when I was writing the word "sign" again.
18) I was in the mirror. A photo of a dog I saw on facebook reminded me my punishment (ok I know its funny). I thought of that dog and suddenly the dog started barking from upstairs -wtf. as I was typing the last sentence here on reddit a dog started barking from outside - anyway, I will continue my story. Some hour later, I was watching a video on youtube with the dog. it reminded me the dog coincidence. and I jokingly said to myself "maybe I will hear another dog barking" BOOM a dog from outside started barking. WTF!
20) I was watching a youtube video. the guy was commenting on a symbol of the ghostbusters. a random thought came to my mind that I will hear the word sign. i got scared. i decided to close the video. new thought! what if when i close it the last word i hear is sign? and boom! it happened. i reopened to check it. and he was saying the word sign.
I will appreciate if someone can comment and tell what he/she thinks of every coincidence. That will help me. Please dont troll me or not say the usual stuff "Go to see a therapist, stop writing etc. Reading your comments helps me a lot. God bless you all.
