I am losing my sanity!

I was in an ocd dilemma. ocd was ordering me to change the position of my ham and cheese, in the fridge because I was having intrusive thoughts about promises to Gods. As I was ready to do it, my ocd was saying to me about a possible old promise that was about not to act compulsively with the stuff in the fridge. So I was in an ocd dilemma. I could not calm down. My subconscious was suggesting me to make a new promise to Gods that will force me out of the dilemma. It is something that always comes up when I am in a dilemma. I tried to avoid even allowing my intrusive thoughts to pop up in a form of a new promise that would save me from worrying and force me out of this dilemma.

As I was analyzing which compulsion to keep, because keeping one means break the other, I decided the best choice was not to rearrange the stuff in my fridge and act normal. But my ocd kept insisting and as I was trying to persuade myself that I may end up more worried if I rearrange my stuff in the fridge, because of an old promise that I cant remember. Anxiety and pressure was high. I was like

should I do it. no! i may have made an old promise and perhaps, I asked for punishment. i do not want to be punoshed. But, I never made a promise. Why scared? still, I better act normal. no, i should do it! no! I would end up more worried. i have to calm down and do nothing. perhaps, make a new promise? no!!! that is a trap. I should not do anything.

As I was trying to calm down a thought popped up in form of a sentence like:

If I rearrange the stuff in my fridge, punish me

I freaked but did not paid much attention. I was already tired from praying and I just could not concetrate anymore to pray with my thoughts. I remember saying randomly, that it was not a prayer but just an intrusive thought that slipped. I started worrying, because this thought popped up in form of a prayer. it containted the word Gods as if I was praying to Them and even though, it was an intrusive thought, some words were thought strongly in my mind. I worry if for a second, I forgot about the worrying I will end up in making a new promise, and made a new rushed promise. I cant remember. I fell in that trap many times, and said to myself that no matter how much worried I am, I must never replace ocd with other promises. I always end up worried if for a second, I made a rushed promise just because my thoughts popped up in form of a prayer. Like when someone is saying in his mind "please God, forgive me" I ended up having a thought like "Gods if I rearrange the stuff in my fridge punish me"

I cant remember what I was thinking before that. I cant remember if I wanted to make a new promise. I was just anxious and suddenly, these scary words came to my mind. I cant remember if theg were 100% without my will. What if for a second, I ignored all my ocd, and decided to make a rushed promise? I am afraid to eat ham and cheese because i do not want to touch them by removing them from their position in order to use them. I cant understand why I am so stupid. I always, say to myself that I MUST NEVER MAKE PROMISE OR REPLACE MY OCD WITH PROMISES and I always end up worried and confused. is this promise valid? I remember I was like

I must not rearrange the ham and cheese in my fridge because perhaps, I made an old promise with punishment that I do not remdmber. I do not want to be punished. i should not obey my ocd. i should not rearrange them. punishment. no! why i am thinking this? no! punishment! i must not do the compulsion because punishment perhaps, awaits me. Gods If I rearrange them, punish me.

After that, I just ignored them and randomly said "just intrusive thoughts" but after that, I started wondering why the thoughts about the punishment popped up in form of a prayer and it felt for a second, like I was controlling these thoughts. I cant understand if it was a real prayer or just intrusive thoughts. Why it felt different?

I have said to Gods many times, that I am having intrusive thoughts about punishments and that I cant control them.

Sometimes, I am able to understand that these thoughts are intrusive but some other times, they appear in form of a prayer and i cant understand if they are 100% intrusive thoughts or if I just, forced myself to have them for whatever reason.

I cant understand. I can not remember. I pray every 1 minute to say that I do not want to make promises. and due to anxiety, pressure, ocd dilemma, I am ending up in worrying if I ever made a rushed promise. I cant understand. i do not want to be punished, I spend most of my day, praying in my mind that these are intrusive thoughts and I do not want to make promises. but, sometimes, in 1 second these thoughts appear again in form of a prayer and i cant confirm if I meant them or not. I just cant go on like this. I am always ending up between ocd compulsions and dilemma and my subconscious is like

subconscious: make a rushed promise to Gods to force yourself out from dilemma.

And then, just in 1 second, these thoughts in form of a prayer appear. I always say to myself "never make a rushed promise" but due to pressure and anxiety, my mind just generates them in form of a prayer and I cant understand if I meant them or not.