I am tired worrying for after death and my faith. I am tired of my fucking illness.

παιδια ειεναι ενα μηνυμα που γραψα στο ρεδιτ απλα βαριεμαι να το γραψω σε μεταφραση.


No, I cant have faith. And i do not want to read the bible because how I know that its the truth?Some annoying christians will say that its all about faith and either I accept the gospel or i go to hell.

Very nice answer. While we are living in a world full of lies and deception, with many religions, I-just have to accept what christians say because thats how it is.I have ocd and I used to check my fucking door more than 3 times. I was doubting my own eyes. The door was fully locked in front of me and I still doubted it.

So, now I have to have faith because people believe the bible is the truth. An orthodox monk told me not to read other opinions. Thats really suspicious. Its like a faulty object and the seller telling you not to check it for too long.

I am mentally ill with depression and intrusive thoughts and worries. I worry about hypothetical non specific Gods who dont care about my ocd. I worry about stupid ocd promises I tried to made to christian God about my ocd compulsions and smoking addiction.

I pray for my fucking intrusive thoughts almost every 5 or 1 or 2 minutes. I repeat them more than once. I even whisper them while in public. I get anxiety stomach problems and nervousness.

I also worry about after death. What happens after death? What if there is no God and the randomness of universe somehow puts us in eternal darkness with consciousness? No death, no eyesight, no hear, no pain just darkness and fullly working brain. Scary...

So, i am in the middle and getting attacked by my intrusive thoughts, worries, doubts and also there is christianity who also threatens me with hell.

If christtian God is real, then I hope He will forgive me. I just cant believe that God who can end all misery does not do it. I cant believe that I am automatically worthless because of my sinful nature and that women, drinking, smoking is a serious sin. I cant believe that God wants us to trust the claims of people about His word when He knows that there may have been a misunderstanding/lie/delusion/manipulatuon. If God wanted us to have faith, He would not allow other religions to be spread and then, christians telling others that will go to hell for being taught as a kid that their religions is the true one and all others along with christianity are false.

If I die and I say these to God, what will happen? Would He just say that I should have trust the people about His word and thats now too late? There is no love or justice in this. And this is how some christians present God. So, either christian God is not real or He has already forgiven me and completelt understands my logical doubts and my ocd.