I have ocd! I used to have compulsions about rechecking again and again if my door is closed or/and if the oven and the boiler heater were turned off. I started making promises to christian God about not doing these compulsion and a non-specific punishment was being asked in case breaking those promises in order to use the fear of the punishment to force me not to do these tiring and time consuming compulsions.
One day, I explained to God that I did not mean those promises and that it was a copying mechanism to counter my ocd. I explained that a real promise would count only if I really mean it, if I understand clearly what I am promising and if I validate the promise by doing the cross sign 3 on me.
One night, I was on my way to go somewhere and ocd stopped me midways. I was a few meters away from home, on a highway bridge over a railroad. Ocd was telling me to return home to get other paper napkins and use them for a cleaning compulsion in the place where I was going, because the napkins that I already had with me were kinda ruined. I did not want to obey to my ocd. I was already tired and my head was hurting because of pressure. I wanted to continue my way without returning home and without obeying to my ocd.
Ocd kept bugging me and I thought that a real promise would be the only way to make my ocd stop bugging me. So, I carefully pointed to the path that leads to home from the spot where I was standing (bridge) and cut the sentence of the promise in parts in order to be easily understood and have a complete control of my words. so, said to God something about being cursed:
IF I RETURN HOME,
FOR ONLY TO GET OTHER PAPER NAPKINS,
(i pointed to the direction of where i was heading to)
IN ORDER TO USE THEM,
FOR THE CLEANING COMPULSION,
IN THE PLACE WHERE I WAS HEADING TO.
I said the words intensely and emphasised all of them carefully. Because I was afraid that I may mess up my words I visualised in my mind what actions break the promise and accompanied these visualisation/images with my words that were cut into parts (as i wrote above). So, I imagined that I should not walk back the bridge to home etc
I tried to validate the promise because I said in the past that a real promise would need to be validate with the cross sign 3 times.I think I did the cross sign 2 times and stopped before the 3rd time. I canceled everything and explained to God that I did not mean the promise and that I was just looking for a way to find some relief from my ocd. After that, I continued my way without returning to my home. I ignored my ocd. After some time, I went home to sleep and everything ended.
6 years had passed since then. and some hypothetical scenarios trigger my depression because of my ocd. During that time that I was making those promises to counter my ocd I was believing in christian God but I have lost my faith and now I worry if other God/Gods accepthed the promise.
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1) I remember not validating the promise/deal and I remember canceling it but what if God/Gods accepted it as soon as I finished my sentence despite that I did not validate the promise and despite that I canceled it?
2) If the promise/deal counted, was it only for that very specific circumastane regarding the trip to where I was heading or it applies to all same circumastances?
3) if the promise/deal counted, what exactly are the terms of the promise/deal? what actions exactly break it? i am not sure if i remember my words correctly. Based on what you read, what do you think are the actions step by step that would break the promise?
4) does the promise/deal (if it counted) apply to sleepwalking episodes?
5) have you ever made a promise to God/Gods in which you asked for a punishment in case breaking it? what did you ask? did the punishment happen?
